TOLAC and VBACS and NUVBACS, Oh My!

We'll see how this blogging on a phone works... Forgive the typos.

Life is an adventure.

Life with twin boys is a great adventure.

They leave me rolling on the floor with laughter one moment, and have me pulling out my own hair out the next.

I have been so blessed to have them in my life. I am honored that they call me mommy. Except maybe when they are sopping wet and screaming it while dangling from the water fountain at the library.

My boys have brought me so much happiness and it's still crazy to imagine that in just over 3 months we will be adding another one to this wild family.

The delivery of the twins did not go as expected, nor planned, but how many births actually do?

I knew from the moment that I learned of this baby's existence that I did not want a other c- section. I didn't want the first one, but Gabe going into sudden severe distress required it, and I am thankful that we were so quickly taken care of.

Now I am climbing the mountain in preparing for a VBAC. I wish it was an easy task. Afterall, I am just a mama who wants to birth her baby "normally." Unfortunately, once you have a scar on your uterus there is no "normal" according to many doctors. Many hospitals ban the procedure. And if you find a hospital that lets you attempt a Trial of Labor After Cesearian or TOLAC, you need to find a provider who supports your decision and cross your fingers that they are the one on-call and not a provider who is scalpel happpy and dislikes tolacers.

My original OB told me that vbac mamas are held to a higher standard since we have a higher risk of uterine rupture. No inductions, and a scheduled section if you go over 41 weeks. Constant fetal monitoring and no walking around the l and d room. If your labor is "too long" then section, if you don't follow the labor curve, then section ; too long pushing, a section; baby decels more than desired, a section. Hearing all this at my OB appointments made me cringe, but never second guess my decision to attempt a vaginal delivery. Instead, it made me want it more, and it made me put the work into figuring out how I can increase my chances at doing it successfully.

So I began to read book after book, blogs and birth stories. And I learned so much along the way about birth, pregnancy, and that what many doctors have turned "birthing" in to today is not what it has to be.

I don't want to do the run of the mill race to the hospital at the first signs of labor, get an iv, strap me to the bed and give me an epidural kind of birth.

That's not me. That's not how I want my birth to go. From all the studies that I have read up on and from all the experts in birthing babies, that's not how to do it.

I am trying to take my pregnancyand delivery  to the next level.

I'm heading to a midwife. To someone who looks at me as a whole and sees a woman who has no reason not to be able to deliver her baby naturally. I am not a uterine rupture waiting to happen. Yes, there is a VERY small risk ,but that risk is just as small as it is for a placental abruption or cord prolapse for any "normal" woman. I am considered very low risk for a rupture, and I am considered to have an excellent chance of birthing this baby vaginally.

I am doing prenatal yoga and Spinning Babies exercises to prepare the baby and myself for our best delivery. The chiropractor is adjusting my back and hips for optimal alignment. I have gathered a strong support system with my husband, mother and best friend who are all amazing advocates and believers in natural birth. In the end, I just want a healthy baby, but in the meantime I am going to dream about just how that little one will arrive.

Baby is growing well. Big and active. I can see and feel a little foot poking me just next to my belly button as I write this. I love having this connection with a tiny person that I have not even met yet. 

My boys are showing a much greater interest in babies. Mainly in trying to hold their cousin, Rodion, who is practically as big as they are.

We didn't like referring to the baby as "it" so we decided as a family to name the baby "Piglet." And although we don't officially know the sex of the baby, they have decided it is a baby sister. Gabe will correct me at times and tell me that the baby is not named Piglet, it is named Baby Sister. Poor guy, I think he'll be upset if it turns out to be a boy.

Current Stats

27 weeks

Weight gain- 20 pounds (I might outgain what I did with the boys!)

Best moment this week- Sleeping straight through the night without needing a bathroom break.

Aches/Pains- Nighttime leg cramps have begun

Cravings- Can't say I have really had any recently.

Gender Prediction- 50/50  I honestly have no clue right now

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Apples to Oranges

Pregnancy #2, Baby #3

Here it is 17 weeks in, and I have barely said anything about how this pregnancy is going.

I managed to survive the first trimester. Some women may take that mean surviving the constant nausea and fatigue. Others may take it to mean that I managed to make it to the other side and still remain pregnant.

I mean both.

It seems that if you have ever struggled to get pregnant, struggled to stay pregnant, or have personally known anyone close to you who has done one or the other, that you take to heart the miracle that pregnancy truly is.

I spotted throughout the first trimester, something that had not happened to me while I was pregnant with the boys. It scared me and even through I was reassured by my doctor and the heartbeat on the doppler, I still found myself constantly thinking "If we have this baby..." rather than "When we have this baby..."

My nerves are easing up as I move closer and closer to 24 weeks, the age of viability. I have started feeling the comforting kicks and hiccups, the constant little reminders that there is life inside me. My morning sickness is completely gone, and for the most part my energy is back.

This pregnancy is progressing rather quickly, and so far it's been much easier than my last. But how can you even compare being pregnant with one baby to being pregnant with two? At this point, with the boys, I was measuring 26 weeks and suffering from major back pain, heartburn, and insomnia. This go around I am gaining weight slower and my belly is probably measuring right where it should be for one baby. I can still fit into my regular pants and button them, although I am a bigger fan of the elastic wasted maternity pants. Heck, I would wear them when I wasn't pregnant. I am reminding myself to appreciate the ability to look at my feet, and bend over easily, because soon enough that won't be happening.

I would love to report that Gabe and Nat are embracing this "Mama is having a baby and we are going to be big brothers thing" but quite frankly they don't have a clue how much their world will be changing come May.

Pregnancy Stats Mostly for my own benefit, but also for those curious minds.

How far along: 17 weeks

Cravings: Fruit, fruit and more fruit. Also, the occasional crunchy salad (romaine, rather than spring greens) and last week was Breyer's Natural Vanilla ice cream with Reese's shell topping (I ate a bowl everyday)

Weight: +6 from pre-pregnancy

Best moments: Watching Charlie Brown's Christmas with the boys and feeling a full 3 minutes of hiccups from Baby

Belly button: Formerly an innie, but now an outie that has yet to pop. If that makes any sense

Aches and Pains: Round ligament pains, and Braxton Hicks a few times a day(early yet again!)

Gender Prediction: 80% of me thinks girl, 20% thinks boy.

Spontaneous

Shortly after returning home from the cabin I embarked on what was going to be my next "Big Adventure"- watching my dearest, closest friend's daughter while she went back to school to teach in the fall. It was a perfect idea. She gets the piece of mind of having her daughter cared for by her best friend, and her best friend gets a little extra income. Two kids under that age of 2 is a lot of work, and 3 kids under the age of 2 is even more. But, I was ready and excited to have an extra playmate for the boys. Lulu is a doll, a mere 4 1/2 months younger than the boys, and a true joy to have around. I love getting so spend time with her. It is a perfect fit

The first week went great, I was exhausted by the end of the day, but that's to be expected when you chase 3 kids around all day, right?

Wrong. Well, sort of.

You see, I wasn't just exhausted from chasing three kids around. There was another reason lurking behind the exhaustion, and I found out what it was the next week.

I went grocery shopping with the boys one night. I passed the meat section and got dry heaves. Two aisle later I was completely nauseated, and that's when the possibility of pregnancy struck me.

No, I thought at first. We're infertile. I know we were told that fertility could be restored after the pregnancy, but that was a small chance. Plus we were being cautious, and to be quite honest, I wasn't sure that there was even an opportunity for us to get pregnant the previous month.

I had started spotting, but my period was 4 days late, so I caved and bought a test.

The boys were taking a bath when I took the test. I set it on the counter and thought to myself "I can't believe I wasted 8 bucks on this thing, there is no way that I am pregnant."

As soon as I finished my thought I looked down at the test to see the moisture wash over the test strip.

Two very dark lines. A positive pregnancy test.

A four letter word might have escaped my lips. Gabe might have also repeated the four letter word in his adorable, little toddler voice.

That's right folks... I'm pregnant.

13 weeks pregnant.

We're still shocked.

This is our Next Big Adventure

For someone who struggled for 3 years to try and get pregnant, who ultimately required one of the most high tech ways to conceive, it still baffles me. Spontaneous conception is what my doctor wrote in my chart. When someone who previously required IVF to conceive, conceives on their own.

Natural Family Planning to the tee, with only one opportunity for conception that occurred way before I ever ovulate. The size of the baby shows that I managed to ovulate more than a week before I normally do, without any of my normal signs that accompany it.

Ultimately, this was not in our hands. The Lord wanted us to have this baby.

I wouldn't let myself believe it until I had my first Ob appointment at 8 weeks. She found the baby on the ultrasound right away, and I saw the little flicker of the heartbeat. The evening bloat is slowly turning into a morning baby bump.

Last week I had a 12 week appointment, and I got to hear the familiar whoosh-whoosh of the baby's heart. My doctor had the challenge of keeping it on doppler while it did gymnastics around my belly. I was told to be prepared for the kicks and flips this one will be doing, considering how active it was during that short time at my appointment.

I'm starting to get excited for our new arrival. I'm not nervous to have another baby. One newborn will be a piece of cake after caring for two at a time.

What I am nervous about is how I will care for a baby while running after my two little monkeys all day.

They are runners.

They are climbers, and they are good at getting into trouble.

They have also started arguing for my attention. "MY Mommy!!" is a frequent phrase often heard. Now they will feel the need to fight even more when the littlest one arrives.

It will all work out just like it is suppose to.

I suppose the most ironic thing in all of this is that I was just starting to resent the "fertile" population again. In fact, I have a post that I had recently written, but not posted, about how we were going to start saving for our next embryo transfer, so that in a year we could attempt a second pregnancy. Thousands of dollars, and a year of saving for an attempt.

Well, I suppose I'm not considered infertile anymore. It's nice to lose the title.

Yes, we still have our embryos.

Yes, we will still be giving them a chance at life sometime in the future.

The possibility of a huge family is a very scary thought.

But I think back to 4 years ago when we were in the midst of heartache and failed fertility treatments, and I remember how I ached to experience the love that a mother has for her babies.

That love is powerful and amazing. If I get to multiply it by 6 kids, then my world will be complete.