I've got a bit of a war happening in my body.
It's called Gestational Diabetes.
I failed both my glucose screening test and my three hour glucose test. You know, the ones where you are forced to consume a sickeningly sweet flavored drink within 5 minutes and then made to wait and get blood sucked from you arm every hour.
I opted for the orange flavor this time around. I wasn't sure if it was the flavor or the 100 units of sugar that my body was suddenly meant to process, but I had to breathe slowly with my eyes closed for 30 minutes or so to keep from vomiting.
Turns out that I likely felt that way because my body isn't processing sugar correctly. This baby's darn placenta seems to be inhibiting the insulin production in my pancreas. Hence the high glucose levels and the new label added to my med chart.
Don't ask me how I managed to avoid it with the twins and wind up with it now!
I have a whole diabetes team that works with me, in addition to many more appointments. Quite a pain in the butt to find people to watch 2 and 3 kids during the day. Thankfully, Joel has a wonderfully flexible job and a boss who is very family oriented.
I am also really thankful that, for the most part, I'm considered borderline.
I eat healthy, and my dietician was certain the dietary changes would be a piece of cake for me.
They are.
The only changes I have had to make so far is swapping my oatmeal or cereal with some fruit for breakfast, to eggs and a slice of toast with peanut butter.
I have had to watch my pasta portions, as well. Half a cup just seems way too small!
So far, my post meal checks have been right where they should be.
Unfortunately, after trying many "natural" tricks to control my fasting levels, nothing seemed to work and I am now giving myself injections of insulin before bed at night.
It royally sucks.
Not so much the injections, but the additional appointments and "high risk" label that I would like to avoid.
I've risked-out of delivering with a midwife since I am no longer diet-controlled.
I feel like I am already starting to lose control of how the rest of this pregnancy will proceed.It is slowly coming closer and closer to the end.
Scary and at the same time exciting.
I'm not sure how our family is going to change. How are the dynamics between 2 boys who have known one another from their first second of existence going to mesh with this new person?
All that juggling that I figured out for two toddlers will need to be revamped to include a baby.
A Baby.
Yikes.
Friday, March 9, 2012
Pancreas versus Placenta
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Spreading Their Wings
I can remember, not too long ago, when my boys were mama-focused. They wanted me and only me. It felt good to be needed. It felt good to be their number one. I knew it wouldn't last for long, and so on the days that I could not leave the room without hearing them cry for me, I had to remind myself of that. My showers would top out at 2 minutes due to little boys pounding on the door shrieking for mama. Using the bathroom alone? Forget about it.
For the last few months my baby boys have been trying to use their wings to fly.
That actually sounds too poetic for whats been happening. In actuality they have been trying to get their mother to leave the nest, or yelling at me to leave the house again as soon as I return home from anywhere. We were heading to the grocery store this weekend when Gabe bluntly requested "Mama stay home, Nana come to the store." I have had "Mama go bye bye!" demanded of me too many times to count.
That makes a person feel loved.
I'm not the "Big Thing" that I used to be.
I used to be one of their only food sources. I knew just how they needed to be swaddled and cuddled. There was a magic song I could sing that would almost always lull them to sleep when they couldn't calm themselves. In their little world, I was IT.
In the words of Bob Dylan, "The Times They Are A Changin."
Daddy can read nighttime stories just as good, if not better than me. Nana is much more entertaining when playing cars, and Grandpa is the best cuddle partner for watching cartoons.
The biggest evidence of their growing up came last week at ECFE. It was our first class back since last Spring. This class is new to them; new teachers, a different room, and biggest of all, it has a parent/child separation portion for 1/2 the time.
I was nervous. I'm used to always being close. I rarely leave them, let alone with new people in a new environment.
I wasn't nervous about how they would feel without me, afterall they have one another. I was more worried about how their behavior would be. Would they be out of control the second I left the room? Would they be the kids standing in a corner refusing to participate? Worst yet, would they be mean to other kids, not share appropriately and hit? None of these are normal behaviors for them, but I only know how they are around me. I'm not sure what happens when I am gone.
I prepped them in advance. Told them that mama would be next door and showed them the special window they could look through if they needed to see me.
We had our circle time with the class, sang our Hug song and kissed goodbye. I got up and cautiously left the room, keeping an eye on them as I walked away. Not a peep out of them. No longing glance at me, no fight put up about having me leave. In fact, they instantly got in line to wash up for snack and never looked back. I kept checking the window in the parent room. I was thinking that I would look up at some point and find two teary eyed boys with their faces pressed against the window, searching for their mother.
It never happened.
I guess that's what any parent should want. Confident children, certain of themselves, and certain that when mama says she'll be close and will soon return- that she will.
Class today went off without a hitch. When I told the boys that it was a school day Gabe responded with "Mama goes in the other room at school." No concern in his voice, just proudly stating a fact.
Yes, you are right, sweet boy.
Close by, and there when you need me.
For now, I'll hold you close when you let me, and I'll cherish the little moments of you both still needing me.
These times are bittersweet.
They are just little snapshots of what is to come.
I know that in a way you will always need me. Everyone needs their mama no matter how old they are.
For right now though, I'll just watch you take these small steps and wonder in amazement at how far you have come and dream about how far you will go.
