Saturday, June 20, 2009

The BIG Reveal

That's right! We found out at our ultrasound a few weeks ago. Joel and I went in to the appointment questioning if they would be able to tell us so early.
One of the first questions the tech asked us was "Do we get to see what these babies are?!"

Both of the babies were cooperating enough that we were able to take peak between their legs. There is definitely boy stuff there. Although the tech said "Don't go paint the nursery blue quite yet."
The odds are that at least one of those penises is actually a penis and not just an umbilical cord disguising itself. We will have plenty more u/s to take a peak and make sure there are no changes.
How are we feeling? Ecstatic. We would have been happy for any combination. My mother and I were both thinking two boys. She holds the lone 2 Boys vote on the poll. I would award her a prize, but I think her two grandsons with be prize enough for her.
Just knowing what they are makes it more exciting. I feel like I can give them little identities. They aren't just "the babies" anymore, they're "the boys."
They are active little boys. I have been feeling them a lot more lately. I'm not really feeling kicks, and I'm not expecting to feel those this soon. Both of their placentas are anterior, meaning that they are in the front. They are acting as in insulation, so I won't feel their kicks, and neither will anyone else for some time.
I do feel them rolling around in there. They love to jump on my bladder.

My stomach is continuing to expand at an astounding rate. My belly button is about a week away from popping. That's a scary thought. I'll take another belly picture soon.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

A new appreciation for Celine Dion

I've never been a fan of Celine Dion.

Okay, maybe back in high school when Titanic first came out, but that's where it started and stopped.
Her voice and songs have always irritated me. I think it's the warbling. You know, the extreme vibrato? Not my style.

A client of mine had his music blaring from his bedroom a number of weeks ago. Who do you think it was? Celine. Yuck.
The volume of it was so loud that I couldn't help but listen to the song. The more I listened, the more the lyrics started speaking to me. Then when the song was over it all made sense.
I remember reading something in some type of gossip magazine that she and her husband had tried for many years to have children. They finally got pregnant with their son after fertility treatments. This song has got to be about her struggle and success. Just read the lyrics, and for the heck of it search for the song and have a listen.
I actually downloaded this song onto one of my playlists. I can't help it. It makes me cry a good cry.

A New Day Performed by Celine Dion

I was waiting for so long
For a miracle to come
Everyone told me to be strong
Hold on and don't shed a tear

Through the darkness and good times
I knew I'd make it through
And the world thought I had it all
But I was waiting for you

Hush, love

I see a light in the sky
Oh, it's almost blinding me
I can't believe
I've been touched by an angel with love
Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new, new sun
A new day has...come

Where it was dark now there's light
Where there was pain now there's joy
Where there was weakness, I found my strength
All in the eyes of a boy

Hush, love

I see a light in the sky
Oh, it's almost blinding me
I can't believe
I've been touched by an angel with love
Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new, new sun
A new day has...come

A new day has...come
Ohhh, a light... OOh

Why Me?

I used to ask this question all the time.
Why me? Why us? Why am I infertile? Why must we struggle so hard to have what comes so easily to others?
Of course I was never able to answer these questions.
I will probably never know.Perhaps not until I look into the eyes of these tiny babies.
I don't have the need to know anymore. I look at our struggle as a sort of blessing. We will have an appreciation for our children that many others will never know.

I recently started asking this question again, but differently.

Why now? Why after our first try at IVF when others have tried so many times, yet constantly failed? As ridiculous as it sounds- it seemed too easy.
Maybe that's why I am nervous about something going wrong, something happening to the babies.
I feel like it was all too picture perfect. A smooth stimulation protocol, retrieval, transfer, and Bam! I'm pregnant with twins.
I know too much. I've seen too much heartache and pain around me. I feel like if I put up a protective barrier of worry, that it will somehow protect me from the pain of something happening.

I feel guilty. I have friends struggling.
One of my close friends has tried for longer than what we did. She was blessed and became pregnant last fall, yet lost the baby 7 weeks later. They have tried again month after month, and they've failed. They are out of money, and running out of time as she is inching closer to 40. They are putting their dreams of children on hold. There is no money for adoptions, nor money for more fertility meds.
How do I make her feel better? How do I support her? I know the pain of failure, but I don't know the worry of seeing the dead end sign at the end of the road.

I know that I will never understand the plan that the Lord has for her.
Words don't help. All I can offer is a shoulder to lean on and someone to cry with. Maybe some advice from the Land of "I've been there and this is what helped me." She says that it's nice to talk to someone who knows her pain, but I can't help but think that this growing stomach will soon get in the way.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

OB and U/S

We had our 2nd OB visit and 3rd U/S appointment this week.
It was so exciting. The babies actually look like babies now. They have long arms and legs, and fat bellies.
Baby A is is lying the lowest, and is more on my right side. Baby A was pretty quiet during the scan. It was just hanging out, resting on it's side.
Baby B is on the left and is higher up. This one seems to take after Joel. It was moving non-stop, flipping and squirming. The tech had to poke me in the belly to try and get it to cooperate with us so she could get the measurements.
They were looking wonderful. They had nice, strong heartbeats, and were measuring at 15w2days, and 15w5days.
I have another appointment next month along with an u/s, and then one the following month, with another u/s. Then we start having the appointments every two weeks.

I think I've been feeling the first movements. It wasn't like a kick or light movement. It felt like a big roll. I was laying in bed, and when I looked down at my belly and put my hands there, I noticed that my belly was completely lopsided. I think that Baby A had done a big flip over to Baby B's side of the womb. I called Joel into the room to show him how crooked my belly looked. It was quite funny, and really exciting. After a few minutes, there was another pressure shift and my tummy when back to normal. I think this is just the beginning of the acrobatics that are going to be occurring.

15 weeks

Here is the latest belly shot