Why Me?

I used to ask this question all the time.
Why me? Why us? Why am I infertile? Why must we struggle so hard to have what comes so easily to others?
Of course I was never able to answer these questions.
I will probably never know.Perhaps not until I look into the eyes of these tiny babies.
I don't have the need to know anymore. I look at our struggle as a sort of blessing. We will have an appreciation for our children that many others will never know.

I recently started asking this question again, but differently.

Why now? Why after our first try at IVF when others have tried so many times, yet constantly failed? As ridiculous as it sounds- it seemed too easy.
Maybe that's why I am nervous about something going wrong, something happening to the babies.
I feel like it was all too picture perfect. A smooth stimulation protocol, retrieval, transfer, and Bam! I'm pregnant with twins.
I know too much. I've seen too much heartache and pain around me. I feel like if I put up a protective barrier of worry, that it will somehow protect me from the pain of something happening.

I feel guilty. I have friends struggling.
One of my close friends has tried for longer than what we did. She was blessed and became pregnant last fall, yet lost the baby 7 weeks later. They have tried again month after month, and they've failed. They are out of money, and running out of time as she is inching closer to 40. They are putting their dreams of children on hold. There is no money for adoptions, nor money for more fertility meds.
How do I make her feel better? How do I support her? I know the pain of failure, but I don't know the worry of seeing the dead end sign at the end of the road.

I know that I will never understand the plan that the Lord has for her.
Words don't help. All I can offer is a shoulder to lean on and someone to cry with. Maybe some advice from the Land of "I've been there and this is what helped me." She says that it's nice to talk to someone who knows her pain, but I can't help but think that this growing stomach will soon get in the way.