Time

Time seems to have slipped away from me.
It's been over 6 months that I wrote anything down in this blog.
This blog, the one I used to write in practically everyday when we were still trying to conceive. Still living the ivf whirlwind.
I'm not sure why I stopped.
I had ideas in my head of what I wanted this blog to be about.
About the boys' life.
My feelings.
My ineptness at being a mother sometimes
My strengths


The truth is that this is my second blog. I had one years ago.
It was my go-to during infertility. I wrote angry, sad, bitter, jealous things in there.
I wrote things that I could never say outloud to anyone.
When we resolved to try ivf, and move toward adoption if it didn't work, I deleted it.

It makes me feel like I should delete this blog too. Just start fresh. Yet I feel like I would be erasing such an important part of my babies. Their conception, and our desperation to become parents.
Their first six months.

An equal amount of time has gone by. They are a year now.
As I sit writing this and drinking my morning cup of coffee, they are playing behind me.
Drinking their sippy cups of milk. Looking out the window onto the snow covered lawn. Playing peek-a-boo with one another.
They still never fail to amaze me. I watch them while they sleep. Smooth their hair and tuck them in before I retreat to my bed at night.

I'll keep this blog. I'll just be better about maintaining it