Our Sleep Dance

It's a routine that goes something like this.

Kiddos are sleeping great for a couple of weeks. Nat starts waking and screaming for Mama in the middle of the night because of bothersome teeth or an incessant cough.

Mama realizes that all Nat wants is a cuddle, so she lays down with him in the big bed in the nursery and he promptly falls back to sleep. They remain until morning. Our smart, little Nat catches on and slowly starts increasing his wake-up frequency to about 3 or 4 times a week, then it's nightly. Mama has gotten used to getting a full night's rest, so she just goes along with what he wants: a cuddle and to finish the night sleeping next to his best gal. After all, she and her husband have decided that they dig the whole Attachment Parenting thing.
They aren't full blown APers. They dabble in it. Wore the boys as babies at home, nursed as long as they wanted, were attentive to their cries right away, and sleep with them as needed.

Whoa! That's were the whole sleeping things gets a little fuzzy. The definition of "as needed" is quite different between Nat, myself, and my husband.

Anyway, back to our dance. Sleeping is fine for Nat and his mama, but Gabe starts noticing that when he wakes in the morning his twin is snuggling up next to HIS mama. So earlier and earlier Gabe is joining his mom and brother in the big bed.
Major problem. It has been noted that both our sons have inherited the "bed hog" gene from their parents. It was inevitable.
Joel and I both kick and elbow our way to comfort at night, hoping that the other will fall asleep first so that we can carefully encourage them to roll further towards the edge. I'm usually the winner. Joel never fights back.
Back in the nursery, I find myself sleeping on my side with my arm tucked directly under my head. I have about 5 inches of space on the outer portion of the mattress. Gabe is spread eagle on his back with his arms flung to his sides. Nat is positioned perpendicular to the two of us with his little feet digging into my hips and his head on his brothers stomach. We begin to wake one another at night with kicks to the face (them to each other and me, not me kicking them), losing sleep, until I have had it and decide that something MUST be done.
We start the sleep training. Nat screams and we comfort him, but don't take him out of his crib. We rub his back, hug him, and eventually he calms back down, eventually he lays down, and after a while we are able to leave the room again. It only takes a few nights, with multiple night wakings and they understand that they must remain in their cribs for the evening.

After every round of this dance, I always wonder how I managed to get into it again?

Tonight I got my answer.

Nat fought going to bed hard this evening. He screamed and screamed. I caved, as usual, and took him out of his crib and I lay down with him in the big bed. The instant his head lay on my arm when we spread out on the bed, his breathing slowed. His eyes slowly blinked. Once, Twice, then they closed.

It's like a drug. The ability to calm the cries of your child, so easily, with just your touch, just your presence.
That is what makes me do our crazy, little sleep dance.

I've said it before. My kids won't love me like this forever. I won't always be the center of their world. A kiss and a hug won't always take their pain away.
There will come a day that their pain with be much more than a scraped knee, or hurt feelings because of a brother who won't take proper turns with a toy.
Right now, I treasure these moments. The ability to comfort them by just being near.
It's magical.
I'll do the little Sleep Dance with my boys until they don't need me there anymore, and in the meantime my husband will get the whole bed to himself for a good chunk of the night.