Such a wonderful big brother

Double time-out. Yikes!

Grandma and her big boys

Daddy and Benjamin in his Great Grandpa's Baptismal gown

My newest little man

Piglet has Arrived

Piglet is here!

Benjamin Clay was born on Friday, April 13th. He was a whopping 8 lbs 7 oz, and 20 inches long at 37 weeks gestation. I wonder how big he would have gotten had we made it to, or even passed the due date?!
He is absolutely perfect in every way. Healthy, active, a wonderful sleeper,an  even better eater.
I think he looks quite a lot like daddy, except with his mama's dimples. My boys are going to be lady killers with those dimples...
The adjustment to a 3rd child has gone extremely well so far, but ask me again how I am feeling next week when Joel heads back to work and I am on my own- 3 against 1.
My big boys LOVE their baby brother. There are mini arguments as to who gets to hold him. They tell me every time they see him how "cute" they think he is. They point out his "teeny tiny" fingers, toes, ears, and  smother him with kisses and caresses while holding him on the couch. I am so proud of how well they have done with this major life change.
I suppose it's easier to adjust to sharing your mama and daddy when it is what you have done your whole life.

How is having one baby as compared to having two? A piece of cake. Honestly.
Only one baby to change, one baby to feed, one baby screaming in the middle of the night.
It's so nice.
It's a bit like how my pregnancy went.
Being pregnant with this little man was a breeze compared to carrying his big brothers.
Ironically, the day I went in to labor I had been asked how I was feeling. My response was something along the lines of "I feel so good that I could be pregnant for another month or two and have no issue with it."  Benji had other plans though.

The delivery could not have gone more perfect. I got my VBAC and the birth that I had hoped for. Someday soon I'd like to have it written, so I don't forget the details.
We feel extremely blessed right now. We have 3 healthy kids and an enormous amount of love and support surrounding us. It couldn't get much better.

Sweet Baby Piglet

I am up to weekly biophysical profiles and twice weekly nonstress tests with OB visits. This insulin contolled GD, even if only for fasting numbers, is some serious business.

I'd love to experience a non high risk pregnancy!

Lucky for me, this baby decided to nap midway through the ultrasound, so the tech couldn't get the pictures she needed at the time. She was sweet enough to try and capture baby's face on 3D while we waited.

Look at our chunky monkey! Chubby cheeks and all.

Those are legs next to the face. We could have gotten a better picture but baby kept hiding behind it's feet.

Right now we've got a frank breech baby. I have about 3 weeks to lure baby into vertex before I get paranoid and obsessive.

Bring on the inversions, bags of frozen peas and flashlight.

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Pancreas versus Placenta

I've got a bit of a war happening in my body.

It's called Gestational Diabetes.

I failed both my glucose screening test and my three hour glucose test. You know, the ones where you are forced to consume a sickeningly sweet flavored drink within 5 minutes and then made to wait and get blood sucked from you arm every hour.

I opted for the orange flavor this time around. I wasn't sure if it was the flavor or the 100 units of sugar that my body was suddenly meant to process, but I had to breathe slowly with my eyes closed for 30 minutes or so to keep from vomiting.

Turns out that I likely felt that way because  my body isn't processing sugar correctly. This baby's darn placenta seems to be inhibiting the insulin production in my pancreas. Hence the high glucose levels and the new label added to my med chart.

Don't ask me how I managed to avoid it with the twins and wind up with it now!

I have a whole diabetes team that works with me, in addition to many more appointments. Quite a pain in the butt to find people to watch 2 and 3 kids during the day. Thankfully, Joel has a wonderfully flexible job and a boss who is very family oriented.

I am also really thankful that, for the most part, I'm considered borderline.

I eat healthy, and my dietician was certain the dietary changes would be a piece of cake for me.

They are.

The only changes I have had to make so far is swapping my oatmeal or cereal with some fruit for breakfast, to eggs and a slice of toast with peanut butter.

I have had to watch my pasta portions, as well. Half a cup just seems way too small!

So far, my post meal checks have been right where they should be.

Unfortunately, after trying many "natural" tricks to control my fasting levels, nothing seemed to work and I am now giving myself injections of insulin before bed at night.

It royally sucks.

Not so much the injections, but the additional appointments and "high risk" label that I would like to avoid.

I've risked-out of delivering with a midwife since I am no longer diet-controlled.

I feel like I am already starting to lose control of how the rest of this pregnancy will proceed.It is slowly coming closer and closer to the end.

Scary and at the same time exciting.

I'm not sure how our family is going to change. How are the dynamics between 2 boys who have known one another from their first second of existence going to mesh with this new person?

All that juggling that I figured out for two toddlers will need to be revamped to include a baby.

A Baby.

Yikes.

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Spreading Their Wings

I can remember, not too long ago, when my boys were mama-focused. They wanted me and only me. It felt good to be needed. It felt good to be their number one. I knew it wouldn't last for long, and so on the days that I could not leave the room without hearing them cry for me, I had to remind myself of that. My showers would top out at 2 minutes due to little boys pounding on the door shrieking for mama. Using the bathroom alone? Forget about it.

For the last few months my baby boys have been trying to use their wings to fly.

That actually sounds too poetic for whats been happening. In actuality they have been trying to get their mother to leave the nest, or yelling at me to leave the house again as soon as I return home from anywhere. We were heading to the grocery store this weekend when Gabe bluntly requested "Mama stay home, Nana come to the store." I have had "Mama go bye bye!" demanded of me too many times to count.

That makes a person feel loved.

I'm not the "Big Thing" that I used to be.

I used to be one of their only food sources. I knew just how they needed to be swaddled and cuddled. There was a magic song I could sing that would almost always lull them to sleep when they couldn't calm themselves. In their little world, I was IT.

In the words of Bob Dylan, "The Times They Are A Changin."



Daddy can read nighttime stories just as good, if not better than me. Nana is much more entertaining when playing cars, and Grandpa is the best cuddle partner for watching cartoons.

The biggest evidence of their growing up came last week at ECFE. It was our first class back since last Spring. This class is new to them; new teachers, a different room, and biggest of all, it has a parent/child separation portion for 1/2 the time.

I was nervous. I'm used to always being close. I rarely leave them, let alone with new people in a new environment.

I wasn't nervous about how they would feel without me, afterall they have one another. I was more worried about how their behavior would be. Would they be out of control the second I left the room? Would they be the kids standing in a corner refusing to participate? Worst yet, would they be mean to other kids, not share appropriately and hit? None of these are normal behaviors for them, but I only know how they are around me. I'm not sure what happens when I am gone.

I prepped them in advance. Told them that mama would be next door and showed them the special window they could look through if they needed to see me.

We had our circle time with the class, sang our Hug song and kissed goodbye. I got up and cautiously left the room, keeping an eye on them as I walked away. Not a peep out of them. No longing glance at me, no fight put up about having me leave. In fact, they instantly got in line to wash up for snack and never looked back. I kept checking the window in the parent room. I was thinking that I would look up at some point and find two teary eyed boys with their faces pressed against the window, searching for their mother. 

It never happened.

I guess that's what any parent should want. Confident children, certain of themselves, and certain that when mama says she'll be close and will soon return- that she will.

Class today went off without a hitch. When I told the boys that it was a school day Gabe responded with "Mama goes in the other room at school." No concern in his voice, just proudly stating a fact.

Yes, you are right, sweet boy.

Close by, and there when you need me.

For now, I'll hold you close when you let me, and I'll cherish the little moments of you both still needing me.

These times are bittersweet.

They are just little snapshots of what is to come.

I know that in a way you will always need me. Everyone needs their mama no matter how old they are.

For right now though, I'll just watch you take these small steps and wonder in amazement at how far you have come and dream about how far you will go.

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Belly Shots of "Piglet"

17 weeks and 27 weeks

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TOLAC and VBACS and NUVBACS, Oh My!

We'll see how this blogging on a phone works... Forgive the typos.

Life is an adventure.

Life with twin boys is a great adventure.

They leave me rolling on the floor with laughter one moment, and have me pulling out my own hair out the next.

I have been so blessed to have them in my life. I am honored that they call me mommy. Except maybe when they are sopping wet and screaming it while dangling from the water fountain at the library.

My boys have brought me so much happiness and it's still crazy to imagine that in just over 3 months we will be adding another one to this wild family.

The delivery of the twins did not go as expected, nor planned, but how many births actually do?

I knew from the moment that I learned of this baby's existence that I did not want a other c- section. I didn't want the first one, but Gabe going into sudden severe distress required it, and I am thankful that we were so quickly taken care of.

Now I am climbing the mountain in preparing for a VBAC. I wish it was an easy task. Afterall, I am just a mama who wants to birth her baby "normally." Unfortunately, once you have a scar on your uterus there is no "normal" according to many doctors. Many hospitals ban the procedure. And if you find a hospital that lets you attempt a Trial of Labor After Cesearian or TOLAC, you need to find a provider who supports your decision and cross your fingers that they are the one on-call and not a provider who is scalpel happpy and dislikes tolacers.

My original OB told me that vbac mamas are held to a higher standard since we have a higher risk of uterine rupture. No inductions, and a scheduled section if you go over 41 weeks. Constant fetal monitoring and no walking around the l and d room. If your labor is "too long" then section, if you don't follow the labor curve, then section ; too long pushing, a section; baby decels more than desired, a section. Hearing all this at my OB appointments made me cringe, but never second guess my decision to attempt a vaginal delivery. Instead, it made me want it more, and it made me put the work into figuring out how I can increase my chances at doing it successfully.

So I began to read book after book, blogs and birth stories. And I learned so much along the way about birth, pregnancy, and that what many doctors have turned "birthing" in to today is not what it has to be.

I don't want to do the run of the mill race to the hospital at the first signs of labor, get an iv, strap me to the bed and give me an epidural kind of birth.

That's not me. That's not how I want my birth to go. From all the studies that I have read up on and from all the experts in birthing babies, that's not how to do it.

I am trying to take my pregnancyand delivery  to the next level.

I'm heading to a midwife. To someone who looks at me as a whole and sees a woman who has no reason not to be able to deliver her baby naturally. I am not a uterine rupture waiting to happen. Yes, there is a VERY small risk ,but that risk is just as small as it is for a placental abruption or cord prolapse for any "normal" woman. I am considered very low risk for a rupture, and I am considered to have an excellent chance of birthing this baby vaginally.

I am doing prenatal yoga and Spinning Babies exercises to prepare the baby and myself for our best delivery. The chiropractor is adjusting my back and hips for optimal alignment. I have gathered a strong support system with my husband, mother and best friend who are all amazing advocates and believers in natural birth. In the end, I just want a healthy baby, but in the meantime I am going to dream about just how that little one will arrive.

Baby is growing well. Big and active. I can see and feel a little foot poking me just next to my belly button as I write this. I love having this connection with a tiny person that I have not even met yet. 

My boys are showing a much greater interest in babies. Mainly in trying to hold their cousin, Rodion, who is practically as big as they are.

We didn't like referring to the baby as "it" so we decided as a family to name the baby "Piglet." And although we don't officially know the sex of the baby, they have decided it is a baby sister. Gabe will correct me at times and tell me that the baby is not named Piglet, it is named Baby Sister. Poor guy, I think he'll be upset if it turns out to be a boy.

Current Stats

27 weeks

Weight gain- 20 pounds (I might outgain what I did with the boys!)

Best moment this week- Sleeping straight through the night without needing a bathroom break.

Aches/Pains- Nighttime leg cramps have begun

Cravings- Can't say I have really had any recently.

Gender Prediction- 50/50  I honestly have no clue right now

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