Breakdown or breakthrough?

It was one of those days.
Those days when you wake up dreading the start to the day. Perhaps it's been the lack of sleep. The nights filled with soothing the one teething babe, and the other babe with open sores on his tushie because he ate something that didn't agree with him again.
They give way to 5 am mornings. When the sun won't shine for another few hours.
Coffee cups are filled, and filled again.
The crying starts, the climbing, the falls, the tears, the screams.
Nat screamed through his morning nap, and Gabe screamed through the afternoon one.
The packing for this weekend's trip was put on the back burner.
It's like a slow boil starts in your body, the temperature rising little by little until something gives way.
I lost it today. My voice was too loud, my words too stern.
I reached my breaking point.
I broke down.
I knew it was coming. I could feel it. My yells that were met with giggling boys quickly turned to sobs.
I cried. The hot tears streamed down my face. Sobs of frustration and exhuastion.
My boys knew that mama was not okay. I was given sweet hugs and kisses. Yet I didn't feel any better. Their sweet actions that would usually melt my heart did nothing. I was spent.
I know that I need some time for me. I need to concentrate on Anna for some time.
I haven't had a stretch a time away from them for some time now. In fact, it's been 2 months. In early November, when Joel and I ran back up to the Cities to finish the last of the packing. It was the day that Gabe decided to start walking, just one week after his 1st birthday. It was 8 hours.
The longest I have ever been away from them was 11 hours.
Yes, I have it marked down to the hour.
They have never spent a night away from their mama in their short 14 month lives.

Tonight will be the first.

I couldn't go on the weekend trip to Grandma and Grandpas. While I would love to have a visit and a change of scenery. I know that in the end when we returned home I would be stretched a little thinner. Right now I don't have much more to stretch before I snap.
Trips are hard, and I usually end up more exhausted than usual due to bad nights of sleep and terrible napping.

So tonight mama said goodbye to her boys for the next 48 hours. They will travel with daddy to Wisconsin.
Not just for one night away, but two.
My heart was aching, but I know it is for the best.
I'm taking the next two days and living the hell out of them.
Full nights of sleep - I haven't had one of those since before the boys were born.
A long hot shower without the screams of little boys wanting to get out of their playpen.
A cup of hot coffee at about 8 am. Yep, I am sleeping in until 8! Sounds delicious right about now.
I might even see a movie by myself.
I am hoping to spoil myself like I have been wanting to do since I was pregnant.
There are just as many not-so-fun tasks
Sorting through the ever growing bins of outgrown clothes. There are baby books that have been needing to be updated for about 10 months or so. The task list is a mile long and would probably take me a good month to complete with my little monkeys getting into to everything. I'm hoping to get it finished in the next 2 days.
I'm going to miss my babies like crazy.
I am hoping that at the end of this weekend I will feel refreshed and ready to be a full-time mom again.