Emotional basketcase

I am absolutely an emotional freak right now.
I guess it's a good thing that I am able to recognize it.
I was printing off pictures of Harper at Target on Friday and I started crying. I was looking at some baby clothes, and I started crying. I was talking to my mom on the phone about how I am feel so sad about not getting to be near her right now and I started crying. I am so absolutely in love with this little girl. Those are my happy tears...
I have also had my share of breakdown tears. I was sobbing and gasping for breath between my tears on Friday afternoon. Joel was sweet, he asked me to dance to try and cheer me up. I turned down his offer. Everything was just building up.
I am stressed out about this cycle, work and life.
Having shingles does not help the situation. It is just exaggerating everything. My body absolutely aches, my throat is sore, my stomach is upset, my arm feels like it is being burned and stabbed, and rubbed raw with sandpaper, and I am soo tired.
Today seems better. Work has been quiet. My blisters are healing up, although the pain still lingers.
I feel like I am running out of areas on my stomach to stab. The first bruise has a friend that has joined, so that limits the available space. I think I might try my thigh tomorrow to give my stomach a break. Especially since I have started the 2 shots a day routine, and that will continue for at least the next week.
I have already noticed the meds working. I can feel my ovaries if that makes any sense. It's only the second day of stim meds and I can feel them working already. It's just an occasional ache. This is suppose to be the time that I appreciate. The time before I get ridiculously bloated with eggs and follicular fluid. The time that I don't have to stress about any little cramp or twinge and wonder if it is my period starting, and signaling the end of another failed attempt.
I've begun using a meditation cd. It is designed for women going through ivf. Right now we are focusing on breathing deeply, closing out the outside world, and feeling the systems of our bodies prepare our eggs. It seems to work. I am using it before bed. I have noticed that I fall asleep quickly and sleep really heavily.
Tomorrow is a blood level check. They will be looking at my estradiol. That indicates how my eggs are growing. If it is not where they would like it to be then they will adjust my meds accordingly. I am hoping not to have a message on my medvoice line tomorrow. I would like this cycle to stay on track for us.